This, Too, Shall Pass

With everything that is happening in my life right now--painful relationships, seemingly-constant rejections, ailments popping out of nowhere, problems in the family--I couldn't help but feel exhausted. My friend Alex keeps telling me that God has a reason for everything. But at this crossroad in my life, I can't help but ask myself--and Him--what is His reason for this deluge of adversities...because I really, REALLY want to know.

I was in this grim disposition when I left Bataan to go back to Manila. In the bus, I conditioned myself not to sleep the entire journey so I wouldn't have a hard time sleeping in the condo. To keep myself distracted from the 3-hour travel, I turned on my iPod and randomly selected an album to play. I landed on India.Arie's Testimony Volume 1: Life and Relationships. I haven't really listened to the whole album so I figured I should. On album shuffle mode, it started playing. The first three songs hit me hard, and I started crying--yes, again, dammit--silently. I thought I'd share these songs (lyrics and downloads [click the title to view and/or download]) so you'd know what I'm talking about...

Song 1: This, Too, Shall Pass

I achieved so much in life
But I’m an amateur in love
My bank account is doing just fine
But my emotions are bankrupt
My body is nice and strong
But my heart is in a million pieces
When the sun is shining so am I
But when the night falls so does my tears
Sometimes the beatings so loud in my heart
That I can barely tell our voices apart
Sometimes the fear is so loud in my head
That I can barely hear what God says
Then I hear a whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the angel’s whisper that this too shall pass
My ancestors whisper that this day one day will be the past
So I walk in faith that this too shall pass
The one that loved me the most
Turned around and hurt me the worse
I’m doing my best to move on
But the pain just keeps singing me songs
My head and my heart are at war
Cause love ain't happening the way I wanted
Feel like I’m about to break down
Can’t hear the light at the end of the tunnel
So I pray for healing in my heart
To be put back together what is torn apart
And I pray for quiet in my head
That I can hear clearly what God says
Then I hear the whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the Angels whisper that this too shall pass
My ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
So I walk in faith that this too shall pass
All of sudden I realize
That it only hurts worse to fight it
So I embrace my shadow
And hold on to the morning light
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This (This) Too (Too) Shall (shall) Pass (Pass)
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
I hear the angels whisper
that trouble don't have to last always
I hear the angels whisper
Even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday.
I hear my angels whisper.
I hear my angels whisper.
This too shall pass.

Song 2: Wings of Forgiveness

I just want you to know after everything that we’ve been through I just want you to know that I still love you
That I still love you
Had to go across the water
Just to find what was here in my heart all along
Spent so much time trying to be right
That I was dead wrong
If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors surely I can forgive you for your passion
You’re only human
Let’s shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)
You’re only human
Let’s shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness
Had to run to the arms of curiosity
Just to find what was here in my life all along
I have found that the art of simplicity simply means making peace with your complexity
If Gandhi can forgive persecution surely you can forgive me for being so petty
I’m only human
Let’s shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)
You’re only human
Let’s shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness
I searched for romance, flowers, and affection
What I found is a lesson on what love really is
And how the game of love isn't
Bout how much you can take
But that authentic love is about how much you can give
After everything that we’ve been through I just want you to know that I still love you
Want you to know that I forgive you
(thank you for teaching me how to give)
Want to let you know how much you changed my life
Want to let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I’m better ‘cause you taught me how to give
I took a swim in the sea of guilt and misery
To find myself on an island in the middle of nowhere
In my solitude I asked in all the highest truth
And what I was told was to thine own self be true
If Jesus can forgive crucifixion then surely we can survive and find a resolution
Let’s keep it moving
Let’s shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)
You’re only human
Let’s shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high (and fly high)
Let’s keep it moving
Let’s shake free this gravity of commitment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness
After everything that we’ve been through I just want you to know that I still love you
Want you to know that I still love you
(let’s fly high)
Want to let you know how much you changed my life
Want to let you know you taught me how to fly
And I wrote this song to tell you this
I’m better ‘cause you taught me how to give
I still love you
Want you to know I still love you
Want you to know I still love you
And I always will love you
And I want to let you know I forgive you
I want to let you know I still love you
Want you to know I still love you
I just want you to know I still love you
Want you to know I still love you
Want you to know I still love you
And I want to let you know I forgive you
I want to let you know I still love you
I want to let you know I still love you
Just want you to know I still love you
Just want you to know I still love you
Want you to know I still love you
And I want to let you know I forgive you

Song 3: Private Party

[Chorus:]
I’m having a private party
Ain’t no body here but me, my angels, and my guitar, singin’ baby look how far we’ve come here
I’m havin’ a private party
Learning how to love me
Celebrating the woman I’ve become, yeah
I tried to call my mother, but
She didn’t get where I was going
I called my boyfriend and he said
Call me back a little later baby
I hung up the phone, I felt so alone
Started to feel a little pity
That’s when I realized that I
Gotta find the joy inside of me
[Chorus]
I’m gonna take off all my clothes
Look at myself in the mirror
We’re gonna have a conversation
We’re gonna heal the disconnection
I don’t remember when it started
But this is where it’s gonna end
My body is beautiful and sacred
And I’m gonna celebrate it
[Chorus]
All my life (all my life)
I’ve been looking for (I’ve been looking for)
Somebody else (else)
To make me whole (ooo)
But I had to learn the hard way (ooo)
True love began with me (ooo)
This is not ego or vanity (ooo)
I’m just celebrating me
[Chorus]
Sometimes I’m alone but never lonely
That’s what I’ve come to realize
I’ve learned to love the quiet moments
The Sunday mornings of life
Where I can reach deep down inside
Or out into the universe
I can laugh until I cry
Or I can cry away the hurt
[Chorus]
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday
[Chorus] x 2

I so have to keep these songs in eternal repeat mode and help me be a better person.