Jologs na Kung Jologs. Pakshyet.

I am now officially outed as a corporate jologs, thanks to this blog entry that showcases my appreciation (?!) of downright yucky lingo a.k.a. gross-ology.

Yep. To you, Rome, Sheila, Pink, Daniel, Joy, Ella, and the rest of you fellow corporate and freelancing jologs, feast yar eyes on the list. Exams next meeting.

Bawal magmalinis...baka tubuan ng weneklek.

Tada. The Tagalog Gross-ology Dictionary:

1. BAKTOL – ang ikatlong lebel ng mabahong amoy sa kili-kili. Ang baktol ay kapareho ng amoy ng nabubulok na bayabas. Ito'y dumidikit sa damit at humahalo sa pawis, madalas na naamoy tuwing registration sa school, sa elevator o FX at sa LRT na hindi aircon.

2. KUKURIKAPU – ito ang libag sa ilalim ng boobs, madalas na namumuo dahil sa labis na baby powder na inilalagay sa katawan. Maari ding mamuo kung hindi tlga naliligo o naghihilod ang isang babae. Ang kukurikapo ay mas madalas mamuo sa mga babaeng malalaki ang joga.

3. MULMUL – buhok sa gitna ng isang nunal. Mahirap ipaliwanag kungbakit nagkakaroon ng MULMUL ang isang nunal subalit hindi tlga eto naaalis khit bunutin pa ito, maliban na lamang kung ipa laser ito.

4. BURNIK – taeng sumabit sa buhok sa puwet, madalas nraranasan ng mga taong nagti-tissue lamang pagkatapos tumae, ang BURNIK ay mahirap alisin, lalo na kapag natuyo na ito. Ipinapayo sa mga may mga BURNIK na maligo na lamang upang ito'y maalis.

5. ALPOMBRA – kasuotan sa paa na kadalasang makikitang suot ng mga tindero ng yosi sa quiapo. Ito'y makipot na kasuotan ng paa, at manipis na swelas, mistulang sandalyas ito ng babae pero kadalasang suot ng mga lalaki, available in bl ue, red, green etc.

6. BAKOKANG – higanteng peklat, itoy madalas na dulot ng mga sugat na malaki na hindi ginagamitan ng sebo de macho habang natutuyo.imbes na normal na balat ang nakatakip sa bakokang, itoy mayroong makintab na balat na takip.

7. AGIHAP – libag na dumikit sa panty o brief. nabubuo ang AGIHAP kung ang panty o brief ay suot-suot na nang hindi bumababa sa tatlong araw at kapag tinapon ang panty o brief sa dingding, ito ay hindi mahuhulog pagkat dumikit na ng kusa sa dingding.

8. DUKIT – ito ang amoy na nakukuha kung kinamot mo ang pwet mo at may sumamang amoy tae.

9. SPONGKLONG – ito'y isang bagong wikaan na nangangahulugan isang estupidong tao.

10. LAPONGGA – ito'y kahintulad sa laplapan o kaya sa lamasan.

11. WENEKLEK – ito ang buhok sa utong, na kadalasang nakikita sa mga tambay sa kanto na laging nakahubad. Meron din ang babae nito.

12. BAKTUNG – pinaikling salita ng BAKAT-UTONG.

13. BAKTI – bakat panty.

14. ASOGUE – buhok sa kilikili.

15. BARNAKOL – maitim na libag sa batok na naipon sa matagal na panahon

16. BULTOKACHI – tubig na tumalsik sa pwet kapag nalaglag ang isang malaking tae. naramdaman ito kasi tumalsik sa pisngi ng pwet ang tubig sa toilet bowl.

17. BUTUYTUY – etits ng bata.

18. JABARR – pawis ng katawan

19. KALAMANTUTAY – mabahong pangalan.

20. McARTHUR - taeng bumabalik after mong i-flush…

Now, if you'd excuse me, I still have to change my YM status from Kukurikapu to "Busy at work".

To CCP and Beyond

Their discipline is the silent note in every song.

The Loboc children's choir, now considered as perhaps one of the best choirs in the world after having bested 12 choirs and garnering the highest point average of 97.5 at the Barcelona International Folksongs Festival, teamed up with the Pundaquit Virtuosi at the Cultural Center of the Philippines last January 6th for a fundraising concert entitled Light in a Million Mornings. Having missed their previous performances twice already (thanks to: [1] botching a long-planned trip to Bohol with Boni and Ella, and [2] missing their special concert at the San Carlos Seminary [where I was supposed to pose as a priest in order to gain entry to the said event!]), I decided it was high time I caught them performing and heard their voices "so pure and angelic, burst[ing] through the gathering silence and darkness of the tropical evening". When I saw their posters all over the office (and in some areas by Salcedo and Legazpi Streets), I immediately SMS'd the contact number for ticketing and booked me four tickets--one for me, one for Pink, and two for Sheila and Daniel.

Excitedly, all being lovers of chorale singing, the four of us met at Figaro beside CCP right after work. Sheila and I met first to grab a quick meal and then headed for Roxas Boulevard. It was a Friday and that was our TGIF gimmick. How cultured was that?! ;) We all queued up in anticipation, only to be frustrated at how high up in the theater we were positioned. At 300 bucks, all we got were four sorry balcony 2 seats; too bad for Pink and Sheila who were both kinda acrophobic. We all sat nervously (at the front row seats, so we could literally see the balcony below us!), waiting for the performance to start and hoping that there were no earthquakes waiting to happen.

The performance started promptly at 7pm. We were instantly in awe of the angelic voices, so perfect pitched and delicate, that for a few moments, we completely forgot the fear of heights. Their renditions of folk songs like Leron Leron Sinta brought back memories of my childhood.

I remember, being a high-pitched little boy at age 9, I was a soprano--yes, I KNOW it's a classification of WOMEN's vocal range, you dumb ass--in our school choir in Orion. That very same piece was the one that helped make us bag the grand prize at the 1986 National Music Competition for Young Artists Children's Choir Division...which qualified us to join the NAMCYA festival at the CCP, together with all other champions from different regions of the country. We were so proud in our waiter-like white longsleeves, yellow vest and black slacks ensemble, performing the same piece for the nth time to listeners from around the country. Even prouder were our parents who finished rolls and rolls of 35mm films--yes, digital cameras were still unheard of those days!

In high school, I "transformed" from soprano to tenor. Yep, still high vocal range, but at least more masculine that time around. And then in college, after passing the auditions as a Tenor 2/Baritone for the UP Singing Ambassadors, I knew I found my "real" voice...only for it to be reclassified yet again. After failing to reach high notes during vocalizations and rehearsals that night I lost my voice from a UAAP match earlier that afternoon, I tried out for Bass. I made the cut. From that night forward, I have always been a Bass 1/Baritone. And thanks to those vocal exercises, I can now confidently say that I have a sexy manly voice. Heh..heh...

By the time the performance ended, we were just either too tired from fighting the vertigo or too sleepy after being lulled by their divine singing (and the Pundaquit Virtuosi's, uhm, virtuosi), that we went on each other's ways and headed for home...with a CD of the Loboc Children's Choir in tow.

Barely one week later, I was invited by my friend Eugene, the musical director of the Philippine Philharmonic Orchestra, to watch the PPO performance that following Friday night. He gave me four complimentary tickets, and so I tagged along the three musketeers Daniel, Sheila and Pink yet again. By mid-performance, we were already slightly bewildered, as the type of music that the PPO played was those types used in the musical scores of movies such as Ben-Hur, The Ten Commandments, and the likes. You get the idea: not the typical orchestral music you'd hear playing in your cd changer during your yoga sessions.

The thunderous and foreboding sound of the PPO's music made us all hungry, as if we were actually IN the filming of The Ten Commandments, that we decided to grab a bite at Figaro with Rome and his girlfriend. Over cups and cups of lattes, chamomile tea (playfully pronounced as tsa-moh-meel by me to the waitress), and milk, and plates of pesto, salad, and garlic bread, we laughed like hyenas over Tagalog Grossology. It was all good.

Now, having gone through two different performances yet very similar in terms of discipline, it made me think: why haven't I made singing into a career, or at the very least PSEUDO-career? Or, why haven't I even picked up a violin and learned how to play it??? "Not enough time" just doesn't cut it for me. I swear, I should start walking my talk (because I actually teach time management, for crying out loud), and actually MAKE time.

This summer, I am officially enrolling at UP Diliman College of Music for intensive 2-week classical voice lessons. I know I already have the timbre, but I bet I could use some fixin' and fine tuning. Can't wait. Lalala...lalala... ;)

With Loboc and Philharmonic checked on my CCP to-watch list, it's now ZsaZsa Zaturnnah or bust!

Let's Kill 'Em Homos and Lesbos, Shall We?

Now that I got your attention, stay.

So there I was reading the entry below...and the comments that came with the original posting. Here is an excerpt of that.

I am not even going to comment or kvetch as much. I am way too enraged and still struck speechless at the bigotry and idiotic mindlessness of the writer. I feel sorry (and scared) for any offspring that this nincompoop will bring to the world.

And I quote...

Re: Dapat siguro... by ICEYES

i-exile lahat ng mga bading sa isang isla tapos dun sila magbaklaan all they want. At least, di sila makakaperwisyo sa mga normal na tao.

God only created Man and Woman, Adam and Eve, not Adam And Steve nor Amanda and Eve.

Ergo, Homos and Lesbians must be children of Satan..


My response...

Re: Dapat siguro... by shiaolien

o siguro dapat IKAW ang i-exile sa isang isla...dahil the world has got way too many bigots and idiots already. we could use a break from all the hatred, ya know.

it's still man and woman, in case you've gotten confused. it's just a matter of preference that's making a difference. after all, a gay guy is still, technically, a MAN, and a lesbian's still a WOMAN. now, if adam wants to suck steve, or amanda wants to fondle eve, leave them be. they ain't murdering you or anything.

do you still wear ku klux klan outfits, iceyes? just wondering...

And then his again...

Re: faggot's land by ICEYES

Just because I don't wanna be surrounded by homos and lesbians eh bigot at idiot na ako?. You can call me all the names you want but the fact will still remain, they are scums of the society. Especially dito sa Pilipinas, Christian country pa naman tayo tapos we let critters like those thrive here???

kaya dumami mga bading dahil sa "leave them be" na yan. Everyone is affected dahil sa mga abnormal na mga yun. I'll leave them be kung di ko naman sila nakikita or ng mga bata na maaaring maimpluwensyahan nila ng mga makasalanang "preference" nila. I really don't care, it's not gonna affect me if you're outta my sight.

Ilang bading na ba ang nanghalay ng mga lalaki?? mga bata pa kadalasan. Hindi ba salot na maituturing mo yan?

And my last one...

Re: faggot's land by shiaolien

yep. bigot. bigot. bigot. no doubt.

God. Somebody tranquilize me. Or shut this motherfucker up.

Manyak o Bakla?

I got this forwarded message a while back. It just bothered me that a fellow UP alumnus (er student?) wrote it. Back in my college days in UP, I distinctly remember having been surrounded by open-mindedness, impartiality and moderation, and, hell, civilization. Ignorance and intolerance was NEVER even a prerogative.

This straightforward unfair partiality gave me an overwhelming desire to amass all homophobes, monsters, idiots, mean-hearted individuals, and bigots from there, bind them in splintery abaca rope, throw them into the Atlantic, and forbid them from coalescing with my fellow Iskos and Iskas!!!

This is the article. Following it is a comment by a fellow reader, and then mine.

C.R. Para Sa Mga Bakla
ni tabachoi

Nagmamadali akong pumunta sa restroom kasi puputok na talaga ang bladder ko sa loob ng sinehan. Habang umiihi ako, may pumasok na bakla, tumayo sa tabi ng urinal ko na parang iihi. Di ko na lang pinansin kasi masarap ang feeling ng jumi-jingle pag masakit na ang pantog mo. Bigla akong napatigil.

Nakasilip yung bakla sa ari ko.

Langya. Filipino size na nga lang to, pagdidiskitahan pa. Imbis na silipan na lang yung mga foreigner na nagkalat sa mall, ako pa yung napagtripan. Ano pa nga bang magagawa ko nun kundi magmadaling mag-zipper at lumabas agad ng banyo. Bukod sa sama ng loob ko sa baklang manyak na yon, sobrang sama ng loob ko kasi hindi ko napagpag ng maayos si Junior.

Sana naman maisip ng mga baklang manyak na to na may lugar para sa kalibugan. Sana ma-realize nila na hindi pickup joint ang Men's CR ng sinehan. Kung gusto nila ng lalake, dun sila sa Roxas. O kaya dun sa Timog. Hindi porke convenient para sa kanila ang makapasok sa loob ng CR ng lalake, pwede na silang maging predator dun. Hindi ako papayag na gawin nilang safari ang Men's CR, sila ang mga leon, at zebra ang titi ko (wish ko lang, kasing haba ng titi ng zebra).

Naalala ko tuloy yung kwento sa akin ng officemate kong babae. Kakatapos nya lang mag-CR nun, naghuhugas na lang sya ng kamay, nang biglang may pumasok na bakla(transvestite) para mag-CR. Sobrang nag-freak out yung officemate ko. Oo nga nakadamit pambabae yung tao. Pero titi pa rin naman ang nakakabit sa kanya, at ang mga may titi, doon sa Men's CR.

Hindi issue dito ang sexual preference ng mga bakla. Hindi rin issue ang discrimination. Security ng mga straight ang issue dito. Kung hahayaang makapasok ang mga manyak na bakla sa mga CR ng lalake, mas malaki ang probability ng pag-commit ng invasion of privacy, tulad ng nangyari sa kin. Tsaka kung damit babae o kaya e pusong babae na lang pala ang prerequisite para makapasok sa CR ng babae, magdadamit babae na lang ako o kaya magbabakla-baklaan kung gusto kong mamboso.

Wala namang pinagkaiba ang baklang manyak sa lalaking manyak e. Parehong pwedeng magdala ng panaksak o kaya baril para panakot sa biktima. Gender lang talaga ng biktima nila ang nagkaiba. Yun nga lang, pagdating sa mga CR, protektado ang mga babae dahil may CR para sa kanila. E paano naman yung mga lalakeng may potential na maging biktima ng manyak na bakla? Ano ang proteksyon nila pag nasa public restroom na sila?

Nakakaawa ang mga bakla sa panahon natin. Tingin ko, ngayon lang talaga nagsisimula ang tunay na pagtanggap sa mga bakla sa Pilipinas. Dahil dito, wala pa talagang nae-establish na rules para sa tamang behavior ng pagkabakla. May mga current rules ang lipunan na talagang dapat nasa isang side ka ng border ng lalake at babae. Tulad ng simpleng rule na to: ang mga babae sa Women's CR tapos ang mga lalake sa Men's CR. Hindi excuse ang pagkabakla para i-bend ang rules na to. Since decision nila ang maging bakla, alam nila dapat ang consequence ng pagiging bakla. Hindi sila pwede sa Men's CR kasi ayaw nilang maging lalake. Hindi rin sila pwede sa Women's CR kasi hindi sila babae.

Gumawa na lang sila ng CR para sa mga bakla.

This was someone named MIKO's comment.

Merong hindi balanse sa artikulo na ito.

Mas madiin ang tingin mo sa KABAKLAAN kaysa sa KAMANYAKAN. Kung nagagalit ka dahil nasilipan ka ng manyak, ang kamanyakan ang dapat na kainisan hindi ang kabaklaan. Nagkataon lamang na bakla ang nandoon sa part na yon.

Under the same manner, kung nagkataon ba na BISAYA ang BAKLANG MANYAK na iyon, magrerequest ka rin ba ang CR para sa mga BISAYA?

Pilitin man na itago ang pagkiling at diskriminasyon sa artikulo nito, hindi ito nakayanan dahil sa paggamit ng iyong pananalita mahigit pa sa paggamit ng lohiko; nawala ang matinong punto.

I am an aids victim. Nawa ay wag naman na mayroon sa susunod na panahon, na hilingin para sa amin. Manyak man o hindi.

And this was mine.

Men's comfort rooms are for men. And we mean that in the biological sense, ergo mapa-bakla, manyak, o heterosekswal, pag may titi, sa Men's CR ka.

OK, I am also not for transvestites going inside ladies' rooms. But be it as it may, I seriously don't see any "bosohan" possible in cubicled toilet bowls (or is there???!). After all, last I remember, wala namang urinals ang mga CR nila.

And while I'm on the subject of urinals, pamboboso is such an overrated subject. If you saw my dick--be it intentionally or accidentally--that doesn't make me any less of a man naman, di ba? That doesn't at the very least offend me. Ika nga, you can look, you can drool (or laugh...what ever)...but you can't have it. Shempre, ibang usapan na yung HAWAKAN mo ang titi ko...o IPAHAWAK ko sa iyo.

Bottom line, tama si miko. Your issue isn't really about gay men, but of pagkamanyak. Siguro ang dapat na rekomendasyon mo, instead na ibang CR para sa mga bading, eh CR FOR MANIACS... that totally makes more sense to me, or at least in using your line of thought.

Making A List And Checking It Twice

First Monday of the year. Make that first WORKING day of the year. It's me and the whole team. I know, I know, we're supposed to be really busy, what with the new year having just entered: meaning, the 2006 Training Calendar would have to be finalized (or at the very least, updated)...as well as the other preparations for the upcoming big launching of a program called WOW Your World, and a couple others like Corporate Identity Cascading, Revisiting Our Values make-up workshop(s), and some new employee orientation on the side.

But with the post-Yuletide sloth still in the air, I couldn't help but be a great deal work-shy...at least today. I promise to work REALLY hard tomorrow. Cross my heart. (Nuninuninu...)

It's a New Year's tradition to be making a list of Resolutions. Y'know, those things that we promise to do or not to do in order to make ourselves better, new and improved, or simply different. It is almost always a futile attempt to change, since most (if not all) of these resolutions end up being given the sack way before they are even "rolled out". Kinda like a project that gets shelved due to lack of funds...or in the case of resolutions, lack of commitment.

So, let's see which ones of mine I will blue-pencil this year. Heh..heh...

1. Be more focused on my work. (I promise to start tomorrow. Really!)
2. Be more resolute in decisions, no matter how big or small the scale.
3. Spend more time with my family.
4. Read more (No, not Narnia or Harry Potter, you idiot. Those management or self-help books!)
5. Sleep earlier...than 12midnight!
6. Be more patient and forgiving.
7. Lessen impulse buying.
8. Save money in the bank!
9. Be more health-conscious (For Chrissakes, stop eating cups and cups of rice!)
10. Be more contented with what comes my way (or what I already have).
11. Regularly hear mass.
12. Clean up--squeaky clean--the house.
13. Write more. Start by finishing my fiction novel that I started in 2001.
14. Come to work earlier!!! (God, I'm so delinquent!)
15. Enroll in voice lessons or violin lessons.
16. Continue French self-lessons.
17. Be more modest.
18. Go back to being O.C. (Hehehehehehe)
19. Love. Love. Love.
20. Think less of my "misfortunes" and more of the blessings.

There. Keeping my fingers (and legs and eyes) crossed, till the last few minutes of 2006 are over.

Perhaps I should have this notarized...?

Seasons of Love

525,600 minutes. How do you measure the life of a woman or a man?

At 10:30AM yesterday, Floyd and I decided to head up to my condo's penthouse/roofdeck and take the plunge. Ohc'mon! Not that kind of plunge from the roofdeck!!! *gasp* I meant a plunge in the condo pool. So without even bothering to shower (ahehehe), I fished my technicolor tie-dyed beach towel from its hanger, grabbed my keys and mobile phone, and dashed to the elevator to go upstairs. In no time, we were shivering due to the cold, exceedingly-chlorinated pool water under the glorious morning sun (thank God for that tall building that blocked the blistering heat!) and the gusts of chilly wind.

A couple of minutes later, our quiet morning was invaded by little screaming Filipino-Japanese kids named Sato and company, all children of tenants of the same floor I lived in. Instantaneously, Floyd and I turned into Tatays and Daddys (especially to the little cute girl with the runny nose) teaching them how to swim (which was ironic, because Floyd doesn't know shit about swimming, and I can't swim too well either). A couple of screams and giggles and leaps of faiths later, none of them learned how to swim. Why was I even surprised?

As I was drying up by the roofdeck, my mobile phone beeped. Sheila was already texting me confirming what we were to bring to her house for our New Year's Eve party: greens for the salad, fresh basil for the pesto, and all the spaghetti noodles we can muster to bring (later on, we ended up with none of these, and instead brought 2 gallons of ice cream [strawberry-flavored and chocolate-brownie-flavored], sugar cones, and a bottle of wine). When I told her that we were out swimming, she said that she was jealous that she couldn't do that right that moment, and so I promised her a weekend at my condo with her and the kids (which, I'm afraid, won't happen anymore, as I am moving out in a couple of days).

After almost not catching Rustan's supermarket at the Shang in EDSA, we headed for Sheila's apartment in Sinag. We were greeted with the maddeningly good smell of food cooking...and even better, by the smiles of Sheila's kids, and of Daniel and Sheila. We immediately exchanged gifts (I got her the Free Bra--those brassiere types that cling to your skin without the aid of a strap [freaky, I swear!]--and some cookies for the kids, while she gave me a Tarot Card reading set [a book, the deck, and a DVD to go with it]) and commenced our usual chismis sessions (hehe).

Dinner was great. Since Floyd and I were able to bring a couple of leaves of fresh lettuce from Tagaytay (courtesy of a friend), Sheila and I were able to whip up a quickie salad. She tore up the leaves, tossed in some nuts and chicken (I threw in some kiat-kiat [it's those teenie-weenie oranges that you buy at the supermarket packaged in nets] slices and croutons). I likewise concocted my own vinaigrette with a Pinoy twist: calamansi instead of lemon, and just a wee bit of patis. Wasn't exactly your gourmet dressing...but still served its purpose. Aside from the salad, we also had an amazing carbonara, honey-glazed ham, fruits, queso de bola, and some REALLY yummy cheese puto! Good luck on my so-called diet...which can wait 'til after New Year...or maybe even Feast of the Epiphany *heh..heh*


By almost-midnight, we popped open the bottle of red wine and poured each one a glass to drink. we took rounds in giving our "wishes" for each other for the new year. Their wishes for me, in a nutshell, were: (1) that I'd finally be with THE one to share the rest of my life with (that kept my fingers--and legs hehe--crossed, because I'm hoping for the same thing), (2) that I find happiness, and (3) trust and peace of mind.

In the almost 525,600 minutes of my year 2005, I can say that I totally deserved those wishes. In retrospect, I've had: (1) nearly six failed quasi-real to substantial relationships, (2) a gazillion blind/set up/anonymous/casual/inadvertent dates, (3) a handful of heartaches, and (4) bucketfuls of lies, untrustworthiness, unreliability, and false pretenses. Yes, I could use a fistful of all those three wishes. Baaaadly.

I guess you can say that I didn't really have a good year. Or did I?

If my 2005 was measured in all those failures, then, yeah...it was a really bad one. But if I flipped and tossed aside the pains and heartaches and lies and trust issues, and instead counted the learnings, the "additions" and blessings, it was a rather memorable year.

Sigh.

Here's a look back at my year that was.

Got back to work. Joined a truly positive and supportive team in the organization. Had a condo of my own (or at least that to my name). Became a Pope (OK, OK...just the namesake!) Lost two mobile phones. Fixed up the house in Bataan. Turned 29. Dyed my hair. Got broke as ever. Branded "Official Wardrobe Consultant" of the company. Started this blog, and earned a decent following (and a handful of antagonists, too). Got sick and hospitalized twice. Enrolled in a gym. Had a friend die on me. Started hosting for weddings as a sideline. Bought electronics, jewelry, and other high ticket items because of sheer boredom or utmost depression. Officially became a Divisoria hardcore. Watched marathons of movies and soaps and sitcoms. Joined a fashion show. Got almost-dragged in Pinoy Big Brother screenings. Recorded a song. Rubbed elbows with Imelda Marcos. Got my big bucks from my employeer in the US. Danced like nobody's watching. Made my family feel that they mean the world to me. And met Pink.

My work here is done. I mean, my 2005 is done. And I'm good. No regrets.

It's 2006, and so far, so good. Happy relationship. Good health. New laptop. Moving in a 3-bedroom condo of my dreams. Great friends still around. Supportive and loving family. Work doing fine so far.

Yep. we're good to go.