Dyosko-day, Inday, Die!

If you've never heard of Inday--no, not the generic lady that Annabelle Rama refers to, but the infamous Inday of SMS frenzy--then you haven't checked your phone's inbox in the last two months or so (and having said that, where the hell have you been?!).

Inday. To the best of my knowledge--which, really, isn't much!--I understand that this name has a Visayan origin. Contracted usually as "Day", this is a name that, for some peculiar reason, has been affixed to household help (aka maids [which term, I personally refuse to use to refer to our "maids" in the province; "katulong" for me naturally translates to "helper" and not "servant", as how some people would treat theirs]), particularly the ones of Visayan descent. This is just as applicable as calling a little girl "Ne" (for Nene), a little boy "Toy" (for Totoy), and Inday's counterpart as "Dong" (for Dodong). Don't even get me started with names that are such Pinoy "staples" such as Bong, Baby, and Jun (or Junjun)...

Anyway, as Inday is almost always attached to a female household helper, it is yet another automatic pigeonholing that Indays are almost always naive--primarily because they are almost never schooled, very new to the metropolis, and are never exposed to anything or anyone outside of their wee little sparsely-populated barrios in the boondocks of Tralala County (Damn, this has got to be the most prejudiced, assholic, stereotyped blog entry I've ever made in my almost three years of blogging...and all in 58 words!). So one can just imagine the amusement (and apparent amazement) of now-millions of SMS users when Inday, an über-brainy household helper, made her debut in the lives of these SMS users.

This Inday is not your stereotype katulong. She is, as you could surmise from her statements in the now-more than a hundred variations of text messages circulating the country (and the world, thanks to international roaming [like I'd want to know about her while I'm relaxing and sailing in a gondola or bungee jumping in Bali] and forwarded emails), supposedly a college graduate with multiple degrees and even multi-lingual aptitude. Here are just some of her "scintillating" witticisms:

"Listening to the nonsense talk about someone's life is a pathetic way of entertainment. It doesn't contribute to the good of society. I hate character assassinators!"

- Reklamo ni Inday nang nachismis siya ng kapitbahay

"Nurture others with positive, truthful words, not words that hurt. It doesn't cost anything to do so. But mean what you say, and say what you mean. Do it everyday. This is one of the most obvious qualities of the most beloved people. If you cannot be generous financially, at least be generous with your words."

- Sinabi ni Inday nung di siya pinautang at pinagmumura pa ni Misis

"Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment inflicted upon you."

- Hiyaw ni Inday habang pinagbabawalan ang mga bata na huwag malikot

"Despite my early repose, my subconscious persistently delivered a montage of harrowing images of absolute destitution causing beads of bodily fluids to break out from my epidermis resulting in the constant interruption of a satisfying sleep.

- Sagot ni Inday kung bakit sya tinanghali ng gising

"Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution."

- Sigaw ni Inday habang pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate

"The dwindling resource of hydrogen2 and oxygen present, coupled with the stable amount of precise heat in the thermal environ of the vessel, resulted in the premature hydration of the 'Oryza Sativa,' hence the calefaction factor was rendered lost and wandering when the algid formation came about."

- Sagot ni Inday kung bakit hilaw ang kanin

"What the...??????????????"

- Speechlessness ni Inday nang maligaw sa Chinatown habang bumibili ng herbal medicine

Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar served with Milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce; Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil; Lychee and peach salad with sour cream topped with lemon zests...

- Baon na inihanda ni Inday para kay Jun Jun sa daycare

"Physical stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one's body. It is therefore essential that once in a while, we take a break from our usual routine to replenish our lost energy."

- Sagot ni Inday kay Misis nang ayaw syang payagang mag day-off

The list goes on. She's even got French and Spanish statements (which where, later on, discovered to be inacccurate almost word-for-word translations, mind you), politically fired-up comments, love-struck messages (to and from her horde of admirers--the Manong guard, Dodong the driver, a gardener, and even Kuya [her employer]), catty-remarks to her detractors (her arch-nemesis, Ederlyn, primarily) and most recently, an irate counter-denigration to ABC's Desperate Housewives racial slur. For crying out loud, she's even got her own blog!

I know a lot of people are profoundly nuts over Inday and her supposedly hilarious comic statements. But really, after a certain point, even great stand-up comedians know when to stop. I think Inday's popularity is approaching stalemate status...and whoever is perpetrating or propelling the smart-aleckness of Inday is slowly running out of witticisms, and is now merely riding on popular issues to keep Inday's head barely above water. Face it: she's not even funny anymore. And as far as I am concerned, only the huge telecoms network are the ones laughing hard.

Utang na loob, patahimikin na si Inday.

And to quote my final Inday message:

Naranasan mo na ba yung feeling na hintay ka ng hintay sa text ng taong mahal mo, na hindi mo naman alam kung mahal ka din nya?

Hirap di ba?

Masakit...

Lalo na kung biglang nag-beep yung phone mo, then excited mong binuksan! Hoping na siya na nga yon!

Yun pala...

Isang putanginang Inday joke lang pala.

I rest my case.