Toldja So

My friend Bambi (from Déjà Fuck blog) wrote an email to me and the rest of the gang this morning. She was finally ending a relationship with Erick...her pseudo-boyfriend, fuck-buddy, friend-with-benefits, special friend, and all that shit about anything-but-a-boyfriend.

She first met Erick some three months ago. Their blind date at the Shangri-la was, well, according to Bambi at least, "magical". Erick turned out to be this soft-spoken, kind-hearted, sweet, childlike guy. And, oh...I forgot to add "hot in bed" to the list. You get the general picture.

So, she was going gaga over this Erick guy, and was barraging us with emails about how she was so happy and tickled pink...but that there seems to be a teenie weenie bit of a problem. Erick has another girlfriend.

I remember having this thread of email exchanges with her (CC of course the rest of the gang):

---Original Message---
From: Bambi
Subject: Erick

god is a great big joker. from one night... it turned into another. he went to my place. i made love to a demi-god. a beautiful soul, a perfumed neck, a bubbly ass, strong arms, a smile that can melt an iceberg and a voice that whispers sweet nothing in your ears. he slept beside me. felt like a cool balm on the soul to hear his soft snore. next to my ears.

the next few days was bliss. a text here, a call there. until mid-week... he sent me a message saying, "ei. will be out with my gf. no texts for the mean time, ok? i'll just text you tomorrow."

lord... what have i gone into? another one. another one who is owned by another while... me... have to do with crumbs!

To which I replied...

---Original Message---
From: Ben
Subject: RE: Erick

Yes, Bambi, you ARE insane...and I am not just attributing that to your sudden liking of Air Supply.

How can you say that you are FULLY AWARE that you are treading dangerous grounds when you are still going ahead with it with nothing but a devil-may-care attitude??? Trust me, that glitter/glimmer/or whatever twinkling you see in your eyes is no different from the glow of light a deer sees coming its way before a huge truck hits him head on. (Dammit. You really ARE Bambi!!)

It's just not worth it. I've been there. And although it is a cliche that there are different strokes for different folks, it does not, on the other hand, take a rocket scientist to know that being a "mistress" is just plain admitting to yourself that--as you've said yourself in your previous email--you are merely making do with the leftover crumbs.

I dare you. Ask Erick to choose between you and his girlfriend. I'm going to bet all my fingers he will not think twice about leaving you (of course, I'm just being pessimistic here...but best to think of the worst case scenario, rather than be complacent). Do you seriously want that feeling when you are but second-best?


Alas...Bambi decided Erick was good enough to cling to, and that she was second-best.

So their "game" went on for a couple of months, three to be exact. 'Twas supposedly OK, until the other night, as Bambi was watching the performance of the Philharmonic at the CCP, she saw Erick with his girlfriend. He did not even acknowledge Bambi's presence when they bumped into each other at the lobby! Imagine how hurt Bambi was.

Well, we got the blind copy of her letter to Erick...finally saying goodbye. When I asked her how she was holding up, she said that she wasn't all good...that she feels not only dreadful, but also pained, dejected and worst of all, humiliated. I told her she was gonna make it through this...and that in order for her to move on, she needs to pass through this mandatory grieving phase.

This was my last email to her before I went back to what I was doing earlier...

---Original Message---
From: Ben
Subject: The Storm

a good friend will tell you, "you're gonna be ok...", but a real friend will tell you, "i told you so." i think i'm sticking to "real".

however, when i say "i told you so", i mean that with this context: i told you from day one that erick's just going to make your life miserable, and that you're too damned good to be with someone like him...someone who will never give you the love, time, and effort that you would otherwise deserve from another [decent] man.

you, of all people, who have told me more than once that i always end up with the wrong dates, that i always sell myself short with the choices i made, should know. it's sad, right?? it's really like that when it comes to giving advice: we always give the best ones, but when it's our time to apply the very exact same advice to ourselves, we're such nincompoops.

but, hey, that's the beauty of being human: having such a thing as a learning curve. we learn from our downfall...only to bounce back up. so, go ahead. marinate in your grief for now (we're just a holla and dalandan margarita away, just in case)...for soon, you'll be back on your way up.

cheerio. all my love, babe.


Sigh. Why is it that when it comes to the heart department, we--the ones who are supposedly smart and sharp thinkers--always turn out to be amateurs? Wasn't there a Divine and logical reason somehow why the head was strategically placed on top of the heart???

Sigh.